PARADOX
Digging into Your Personal Past : What early memories tell us about who we are today
by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.; reviewed by Laura Jana, M.D., F.A.A.P.
Try as you might, you simply cannot remember everything that you have
experienced–not yesterday, not a week ago, and certainly not when you
were a child. In fact, very few of us remember much at all from our first
three or four years. What memories we do hold on to are like the broken
bits of ancient pottery, long buried in the sand. Yet, these fragments of
memory can give us precious clues about our personalities.
Shifting sands
We rely on our memories to tell ourselves who we are, to anchor us. People
who have lost their memories through brain damage are condemned to drift
through life. But before taking a closer look at your earliest memories,
consider for a moment the puzzle that is memory. Autobiographical
memories–the memories of what we have experienced and done in our
lives–are at once indispensable and notoriously untrustworthy.
We believe in our memories, and yet many of them are partial or complete
fabrications. In one famous experiment, adults were told by relatives
about how they got lost in a department store as a child–an incident that
never happened. But after listening to the story several times, they
developed memories of the event, complete with details that were entirely
made up. And they persisted in believing these memories even after the
researchers told them how they had been tricked.
In another experiment, on the day the space shuttle Challenger exploded,
college students were asked to write down how they had first heard about
the disaster. Three years later, the same students were asked to recall
the day. About a quarter of their remembered accounts were completely
different from the original journal entries.
These experiments, and many like them, have convinced researchers that
memory cannot be thought of as a “bank” where people deposit their
experiences and withdraw them unchanged years later. Rather, memories are
creations of the moment, weaving together bits of stored experience with
later-acquired knowledge and thoughts. In the process some elements are
dropped and others elaborated on.
The value of earliest memories
Paradoxically, it is this very fluid nature of memory that makes early
childhood memories so valuable. The fact that memories are always changing
means that memories that have lasted for years and years must be
meaningful–otherwise they would have faded out like the millions of other
memories and impressions that disappeared without a trace. The very
earliest memories, it follows, must be the most meaningful.
Psychologists have pondered early memories for the past century. Sigmund
Freud, wondering why “the earliest recollection of a person often seemed
to preserve the unimportant and accidental,” suggested that seemingly
trivial early memories might be “screens” hiding memories that were
unacceptable to the conscious mind. Alfred Adler, a key figure in ego
psychology who also stressed the importance of birth order, wrote that a
person’s earliest memories are “the reminders he carries about with him of
his own limits…a story he repeats to himself to warn or comfort him, to
keep him concentrated on his goal.”
More recently, several psychologists have developed systems for analyzing
early memories as a form of personality assessment. None of these lend
themselves to easy “how to” instructions, but there are some general
principles which can help to guide your explorations of your earliest
recollections:
Memories from early childhood are rare. Few people have more than a
handful of them, and more than 90 percent of early memories are memories
not of events themselves, but of accounts by other people of those
events. How can you tell if yours is a secondhand memory? If you can see
yourself in your memory, as though you were looking from across a room
or down from the ceiling, then the memory cannot be an actual replay of
your experience. But just because a memory is secondhand does not make
it any less meaningful for you. After all, it is a memory that you have
chosen to hang on to!
Think about the role you play. Are you a passive observer in your
memories, or are you active? Are you exploring, taking physical action,
communicating? How you portray yourself to yourself in your earliest
memories may give you insights into your character that weren’t obvious
before.
Think about relationships. In your memory, are you alone or with others?
Are they helpful, caring, and supportive, or hostile and frightening?
Earliest memories may shed light on the way you habitually perceive
other people, a critical aspect of what Adler called your “style of
life.”
Think about emotions. In your memory, do you feel happy, sad, scared,
angry, or confused? In daily life, emotions change from day to day and
from moment to moment. The emotional tone of your early memories may be
telling you something about a more fundamental, underlying emotional
response to the world. If nothing else, the emotional flavor of your
earliest memories raises a question: Is this how you feel most of the
time?
In addition to your earliest memory, consider a larger set of first
memories: first memory of parents or siblings, going to school, playing
with a friend, getting into an argument, being frightened, and so on.
Write your memories down and look for patterns. The process of remembering
and pondering won’t necessarily lead to a sudden revelation about your
deepest nature, but it will make you a more introspective, self-aware
individual.
Traumatic memories
The topic of traumatic memories–memories of physical or sexual abuse–is
tremendously controversial. You may find that thinking about your earliest
memories is fascinating or perhaps confusing. But if you find it to be
upsetting, let that be a signal to you to stop. If you feel, however, that
you need to explore this area of yourself further, please do so with the
guidance of a qualified professional.
About Us
© Copyright 2002 The Dr. Spock Company. All Rights Reserved.
THIS SITE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE. The information drSpock.com
provides is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for
professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your health care
professional if you have a specific health concern. Mention or
advertisement of any product, service, or brand does not constitute
endorsement, guarantee, or recommendation by The Dr. Spock Company. Please
read our full Terms of Service.
CL Ellis
