Symptoms of Codependency:
- Inability to know what “normal” is.
- Difficulty in following a project through.
- Difficulty having fun.
- Judging self, others without mercy.
- Low self esteem, often projected onto others. (eg: Why don’t they get their act together!)
- Difficulty in developing or sustaining meaningful relationships.
- Belief that others cause or are responsible for the codependent’s emotions.
(Codependents often use language like “you make me feel ______”, or “I was made to feel like____”)
- Overreacting to change. (or intense fear of / inability to deal with change.)
- Inability to see alternatives to situations, thus responding very impulsively.
- Constantly seeking approval and affirmation, yet having compromised sense of self.
- Feelings of being different.
- Confusion and sense of inadequacy.
- Being either super responsible or super irresponsible. (Or alternating between these.)
- Lack of self confidence in making decisions, no sense of power in making choices.
- Feeling of fear, insecurity, inadequacy, guilt, hurt, and shame which are denied.
- Isolation and fear of people, resentment of authority figures.
- Fear of anger or bottling anger up till it explodes.
- Hypersensitivity to criticism.
- Being addicted to excitement / drama. (Chaos making.)
- Dependency upon others and fear of abandonment.
- Avoidance of relationships to guard against abandonment fears.
- Confusion between love and pity.
- Tendency to look for “victims” to help.
- Rigidity and need to control.
- Lies, when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
Are you codependent?
Melody Beattie, author of Codependent No More developed this check list:
- Do you feel responsible for other people–their feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being and destiny?
- Do you feel compelled to help people solve their problems or by trying to take care of their feelings?
- Do you find it easier to feel and express anger about injustices done to others than about injustices done to you?
- Do you feel safest and most comfortable when you are giving to others?
- Do you feel insecure and guilty when someone gives to you?
- Do you feel empty, bored and worthless if you don’t have someone else to take care of, a problem to solve, or a crisis to deal with?
- Are you often unable to stop talking, thinking and worrying about other people and their problems?
- Do you lose interest in your own life when you are in love?
- Do you stay in relationships that don’t work and tolerate abuse in order to keep people loving you?
- Do you leave bad relationships only to form new ones that don’t work, either?